NAPLES - SORRENTO - DAY 7

I had a lot of preconceived notions about "tour groups" prior to this trip. A lot of judgement and weird resentments based in my own insecurity and embarrassment of being perceived as a "tourist". I was certainly overthinking all of this. I was a tourist after all. By day seven I had completely shed whatever arbitrary shame I might've had. This tour was great, and I've come to be an evangelist for Globus Tours. It ran like clockwork, which amazed me because we moved as one amorphous American blob expanding and contracting from breakfast buffet, to the bus, to the next event, then back on the bus, then off the bus for another tour, then on to more food. We repeated this clumsy dance with each other every day. But we were somehow all keeping time, and only occasionally stepped on each others toes. Christie and I had identified the folks with whom we could make small talk or joke with. And of course we had developed our favorite people to make fun of, or resent for their glaring and obvious faults. One of our favorite past-times was to formulate fictional scenarios for what must be going on in their heads. Laughing at others is really our way of holding up the mirror to laugh at ourselves. We were definitely tired, but running on the adrenaline and excitement for whatever we might get to see next. We were grateful that we were doing this as a family, knowing that each member of our nine person tribe was having their own inner adventure as well. It was another 6:30 AM start to the day, and we would be heading further South. Into the inferno.

As we wound our way through the tight streets of Rome toward the expressway I tried to take in as much as I could of the city from the expansive bus window. These past two days felt like a week but I knew we still barely scratched the surface of the historic Empire. I didn't have this high on my list as a place I felt I had to visit again, so I wanted to take a mental snapshot to accompany the few hundred photos I took as well. Arrivederci Roma!!!

Our first destination on "Day 7" would be Pompeii, the marvelous archaeological site of the city which was preserved in ash after the eruption of nearby Mt. Vesuvius in 79 AD. This is located just South of Naples. It was about a 3 hour drive South, on another hazy and hot day. We napped and passed more fires and burning cars. But honestly, the bus rides were quite pleasant and as I recall we were almost entirely at the back row now. Still able to see, but also in my "danger zone" in terms of motion sickness. No worries though, the highway was relatively straight... For now.

Upon arriving in the parking lot after three hours, I felt a rush of anxiety. It's kind of like arriving at Disney World with 50 other busses at the same time, only the parking lot is dusty from crushed limestone, and Disney World had suffered an asteroid strike. Also, it was pushing 105 degrees and there was no discernable order to anything anywhere and nobody spoke the same language. It was the MOST crowded, and least organized destination we visited. This was no fault of Globus. This place just doesn't have the infrastructure to absorb this volume of people arriving all at once. I knew I wasn't alone in my assessment. After hours on our posh bus in the air-conditioning, the heat just felt assaulting and dangerous.

We gathered in the haphazard marketplace outside the main gift-shop. There were stalls with all kinds of penis-related nick knacks (more on that later), outdoor cafes, indoor cafes and stands with drinks and umbrellas. It felt kind of like a circus. We had been given our schedule and had a while to wander around. But really I think we all just wanted to get on with it. Don't mistake that for "wanting to get it over with". I think we were all intrigued and excited to actually see this city, but we had grown fairly accustomed to getting straight to the front of the line for most of our excursions. And here we were, waiting among the masses??? It was unbecoming of such sophisticated travelers as ourselves.

Pompeii had been a bustling and contemporary Roman city, prior to its destruction in 79 AD. It was home to merchants, artisans, and elites who enjoyed an extensive network of public baths, theaters, and brothels. Its streets were amazingly well built, and the houses even had plumbing. The preserved frescoes revealed a fascinating snapshot of what daily life in the ancient world was like. Remember earlier when I mentioned the penises all over the marketplace? Well that's because the brothels were all marked by carved penises to guide ancient visitors (perverts) to their locations. They are everywhere (the penises and the perverts). Thanks again Italy! But I'm getting ahead of myself...

The city was WAY bigger than I thought. It's sprawling, but organized and planned remarkably well for something that's 2,000 years old. Our guide was another incredibly knowledgeable young woman. She was Brazilian, so her accent was kind of crazy. But she had a deep knowledge of the history of Pompeii and I was able to follow the narrative, and significance of what we were seeing fairly well. I found this to be one of the toughest walking tours of the trip though because the large cobblestone streets with high curbs made it difficult to navigate. Also we were constantly encountering other tour groups. It was funny but also kind of annoying. Also, it was hot. Like reeeeeeeally hot. There was no shade at all and we were surrounded by stone yet again. Of course I was hydrating as much as possible, so I was also on a biological schedule that eventually cut my part of the tour short.

Pompeii is an active archaeological site, so it's not like you can just go anywhere. And there is a specific route to exit. And as we have all learned, I have terrible instincts. But I also have a good sense of humor. So I found myself laughing quietly as I made my way as fast as possible through the labyrinth of stone ruins. Of course I considered ducking into one of the empty villas, but there were just too many people everywhere. Eventually, mercifully I found the exit building which was itself another maze of museum exhibits and counter-intuitive stair cases to nowhere. Again, I laughed at the idea of being trapped inside of some kind of MC Escher painting with no bathrooms. A city FULL of brothels, with only one toilet?!?!?! Brilliant job Romans...

We all gathered back at the circus... Hot, hungry, thirsty and tired. It was a challenging tour. I kept joking it must've only been the SECOND hottest day on record in Pompeii... Get it???? We had another 45 minute wait before we would board the bus again. This seemed like enough time for a happy hour to me! We ate garbage food and I snuck a few rounds of ice-cold Peronis from one of the stalls. I wasn't driving the bus, after all. Just go with the flow...

After a few cocktails and snacks, we were back on board for the short one hour ride to Sorrento. Even in the back of the bus how bad could it b----- Oh... Oh no... This is a LOT of curves. Stay calm... Don't think about getting sick. Did those beers help or hurt? Do I have to pee again? Oh god, why are we in the back of the bus for THIS leg of the journey? Tunnels??? We're in tunnels??? Now I'm claustrophobic and motion sick!?! Those are the short eternities of panic that I occasionally endure. It wasn't all that bad. I was just hyper-aware of every second of the short journey.

We were only an hour South of Naples, but the scenery was completely different. Naples is kind of a beat-up 3rd world port city. I'm sure there are some cool spots with nice views, but we really just cruised through. My assumptions would be confirmed when we flew out of there in a couple of days. But Sorrento is an absolute post-card destination. It's amazing. unique multi-colored homes hung off the sides of sheer stone cliffs. The road in was impossibly narrow and the switchbacks would have been tough to navigate on a mountain bike, much less this giant bus. It felt like we were driving a building down a mountain. It's hard to imagine that there aren't 3,000 people killed on the roads around here every day. Its an absolute free for all shit-show. But its also absolutely beautiful.

I felt a twinge of sadness as we wheeled into the parking lot. The tiny voice in the back of my head began to fret about the impending journey home. I shut that voice up and turned my attention to the gorgeous views as we entered another expansive white marble lobby. It was bright and sunny and still hot, but we were right on the coast so there was a bit of a breeze. It felt semi-tropical despite sitting on roughly the same latitude as Columbus Ohio. The hotel itself sat above the actual city of Sorrento. We would have to take a shuttle ride to get down there (more on that later). We wandered through the confusing maze of stairs, alternate lobbies, hallways, stopping at the bar to test out their negroni and aperol spritz recipe, eventually winding up at our final room of the trip.

We spent a couple of hours as a family at the amazing pool. It was an absolutely perfect way to decompress after the chaotic tour of Pompeii. We ordered snacks and drinks and took turns floating and playing in the water. It felt like the most "vacationy" moment of the trip so far as we were blissfully uncommitted to anything else for the day. Eventually, the pool closed and we were forced to confront the struggle of deciding where, when, and who to eat dinner with. In those moments, I found it best for our little Boyne City faction to break off and figure out our own thing. But getting down to Sorrento would require a harrowing shuttle bus ride, and one we would repeat a few times over the next couple days. It's simply impossible to explain the sheer terror and exhilaration of these shuttle rides. Even the videos don't do it justice. It was as if a roller coaster designer and a race-car video game designer got drunk and came up with the wildest possible interactive ride they could!

We survived and were dropped off at what I think I would consider the "top" of town. We wound our way down on foot to the heart of Sorrento. It was stunning at dusk. It feels like a James Bond movie. The colors, and shops and people are all so full of charisma and character. It was a wonderful place to conclude our journey. I was making mental notes of all the places I wanted to try and checkout the next day as well. We eventually found our way to "Gigino's", which was fairly crowded. But so was absolutely everywhere. And we were hangry by now. Our meal was "fine" but the truly amazing Italian food seemed to continually elude us. After dinner, we made contact with Mimi and Rose and walked the legendary "Limoncello Alley", sampling the bitter liquor and finding ourselves enjoying the cool evening air.

We walked into a fragrant boutique at one point, which featured one of the cutest Frenchies we'd seen all week. We'd seen a lot of dogs, but only a few Frenchies. For whatever reason, the people in the South had way less of a problem with us petting or acknowledging their dogs. Christie was so enamored that she got down on her knees and let the soft little puppy nibble on her ear... Unfortunately when she stood up, she realized that the dog had actually gotten ahold of her earring and it was still in its mouth. We embarrassingly all scrambled to make sure we got it out of its mouth. Of course, after a week of complaining that everyone in Italy was so uptight and weird about not letting us pet their dogs, then we find the perfect one and this happens! We laughed it off and backed out of the shop...

The four of us got lost as a family as we were walking back in the direction of where we thought we were dropped off... It was fine though and really there's only so far you can go in the wrong direction in that town. It's kind of perfect for me!

Back at the hotel, Mason and I found ourselves in a large conference room that had been darkened and arranged for folks to watch the soccer game. I think it was Netherlands vs. France. The volume was super low and of course I thought I could easily "fix" it. So I made a lot of noise and tried to joke with folks but none of them seemed to understand me so I gave up and sat in the dark. We talked golf with one young guy from Ireland, and overall it was a pleasant end to another LOOOONG day.